New Beginnings

This past week has just been an emotional week.
My children have all graduated into new school, that is a huge milestone for me and them. My sweet baby boy is heading into kindergarten, into the world of unknown where he will learn rules, guidelines and make new friends. Mommy will not be able to just not take him that day and go to the park instead as we tend to do now .
My little girl will be entering the halls of middle school. This also opens up new doors for her as she is still so very young and naive and it breaks my heart to know that is about to change.

My oldest is entering the world of adulthood. High school is a huge step that no one can be truly prepared for, its different than any other school year. I know she will learn heart break, jealousy, pettiness and will be miserable at times but I also know these will be the best four years of her life.

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I have always been a very closed off , private person and I don't let many people get very close to me. I have never really felt loved as a child or as an adult so these past few weeks when my friends, my mom and my husband made me sit down and listen or read how they felt about me, it made me cry but only in a good way.
I have only once in 30 years had a "girlfriend" that I loved as much as I could. I let her in , I opened up about everything and I gave her everything I had. She broke my heart.
Once again I did not trust or let people into my personal space.It has been 2 year since that friendship ended. It took me most of this time to let it go and move on. A few weeks ago , I had a talk with some amazing friends who had given me time and space to move on, but yet they stayed my constant (LOST reference) They stayed with me through it all and I even treated some of them poorly because I was so hurt, I blamed them.
I now see that I should have let go a long time ago and concentrated on the ones who matter, the ones who truly do love and care for me and waited patiently for me to see it. To you, my amazing circle of friends, I LOVE YOU ALL and am so grateful for your love in return. I can not imagine life without each and every one of you and I am so Sorry for pushing you away all this time.
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To my husband: You are more wonderful than words can express. You saved me.
I was spiraling into this negative , bitter unloved person and you saved me. I have never felt as truly loved and needed as I do with you. The harder I push you away, the more you love me . You held on until it broke through that I needed you as much as you need me. You are my everything.
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To my Mother:
Thank you for your words, they were what I needed to hear, exactly when I needed to hear it. We will work through this and become closer than we ever have . I believe in us and our family and I know it will all turn out to be beautiful if we both promise not to let go.